The "C" Word

Commitment - The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons.Hmmm.."bound" emotionally to another person. Bound..as in Handcuffs? Sounds like some kinky S&M to me! Ok, enough with the bad jokes. Seriously, I think the word has much more meaning than the dictionary definition. Otherwise, we can all say we are commited to someone out with no problemos whatsoever. The definition may make commitment seem like such a simple thing to attain and keep. When actually its far from that.
I think a lot of people have what I call Commitment Claustrauphobia.. Lets just call it the “C” word so you don't sprain your tongue having to say it.

Where Claustrophobia is "a fear of being in an enclosed space". It basically is "the fear of not having an easy escape route.". You feel like you need to get out..quickly!. Combine this with Commitment and we have people who are scared of being trapped in a relationship with no way out. I think all of us have a little CC in them and some of us are even full fleged, "I got the CC Ph.D" peeps. So maybe asking ourselves why commitment is so difficult or scary will help all of us understand this issue, and maybe we'll be able to join the "I do" crew one day.What most of us REALLY feel commitment entails, is having a huge responsibility to someone, dumped on us. Its signing yourself over to someone with a permanent ink marker. Once you've done it, you can't go back. Oooooh, that sounds final.

When we enter into a committed marriage, what we're supposed to be feeling is " I love you so much, that now, I only want to spend my time with you. You are the apple of my eye and I am going to do all that I can to make you happy." Yadda Yadda Yadda. But what a lot of us are REALLY feeling may give us an internal dialogue filled with "What If" thoughts, which ends up sounding kinda like this:"I do love you, but I'm scared shitless that I may be making a wrong decision. There are so many other hotties out there, and what if one of them is my Mr/Miss Perfect, how do I really know if you're "The One"?? . Am I selling myself short? Maybe all these mushy feelings inside are just lust and not love?. What if I'm totally wrong about you? What if this happy snappy wonderful relationship, gets shot to hell after I commit to you and you become a dragon lady/man who drives me crazy? What then??? What if..we stop loving each other? I don't know if I can go through anoooother breakup."

Making such FINAL decisions are also not easy or natural in our world. We're so used to changing channels, clothes, eating this or that, getting into flings and getting flung out of them. Life for the typical girl/guy can be very adaptable and temporary. We always have a choice with most things, if we no longer like them. But with the "C" word, all of a sudden, you're having to stay in something, through the good, the bad and the ugly. Its giving your word to stick through it, even when the relationship makes a detour to CrapVille (for those who watch Smallville). That can and is scary for a lot of us.

And although most of us want to be with one person in a loving relationship the commitment that we are expected to give can be very daunting. We're looking for the fabulous relationship but scared of staying in it. We want one without the other. And just like a cheap suits and polyester, commitment and responsibility go inexplicably hand in hand. There's no way around it.
Some people with CC may feel that noone is good enough for them. We've all grown up hearing Fairy Tales and are practically inundated with marriage ideals from society/media. We're expecting that "the one" will be someone absolutely perfect. He/she will look, act and be everything that you've dreamed of. I thought at one time too, that Miss Perfect was out there and would just land on my doorstep, but the longer I've been on this planet and the more I mature (or at least try to!), I realize that perfection is a unrealistic desire. I have guy friends who have backed out of commitment (relationship or marriage) because they thought they would be missing out on finding Miss Perfect. Their girlfriend had flaws and that was too much for them to accept. I think looking for some contrived perfection will only cause CC'ers to lose out in the end. The guy/girl may be hot, but sooner or later the flaws will surface. Time will pass them by, until one day they are old and alone.

I think it's more rational and logical to commit to someone who is more or less like you in the major ways (these depend on whats important to you, but some major ways could be religion, education, interests etc) and wing it from there. Personally, I think this has pushed the CC button in me, since I want to find someone who will be completely compatible with me and who I'll have a happy life with, but I'm scared that I'll just repeat my past mistakes all over again.For those people who grew up in a loving house, they haven't escaped the wrath of CC-dom either. These people have seen a lot of friends, family and strangers get married and then divorced. Its a sad fact, but so many people in our age group, are doing the marriage thang only to figure out later that they weren't meant to be and they want out. Our generation, has moved on from that of our parents, and if we don't like married life..we leave. Are those people having a delayed CC reactions? Probably.